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Dunnk Bunk Bink

by Fatso's Platoon

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1.
He’s wearing God’s hat upon his bean It’s quite possibly the most preposterous thing that I have ever seen And I once saw a guy squash his own shite Right into the face of a Goth that we met down the pub that one Saturday night And they line the streets, red white and blue sheep with a gold state coach procession and a god-given regal regression And it fills me with wonder a superior plunder An inherited status will never await us because we are underneath these- Cousin-fucking, funny-looking Aristocratic, problematic Sausage-fingered, never hindered Ribbon-cutting pompous tutting bloated, pointless, futile, fruitless Marching, saluting, jewellery looters flag-bangers, cucumber sangers We sing their anthem as they hang us Worshiping The masses cling onto this thing You’re not my king The people cling onto this thing Worshiping The king of everything and Nothing is gonna bring me down I’ve got my coronation plate and my bunting as well We’re going to have a party and we’re feeling prestigious We’re swearing an oath to our king, an allegiance I swear that I will pay true allegiance to Your Majesty and to your heirs and successors according to law. So help me God. I’ve got a a plate with your face on To commemorate your coronation (I've got a plate) I’ve got a hamper full of sandwiches, a big case of beer we’re all dressed up like arseholes, nearly everyone is here There’s a spread on in the garden and it’s cloudy as fuck and we’re swearing an allegiance, swearing an allegiance to our king Oh Charlie, I love you You rule me You rule me Charlie boy You are my king (ugh)
2.
In a realm crafted by AI, so bright (like a light) These lyrics emerge, a whimsical flight (like a bird, flap flap flap flap flap flap) An artificial creation, with humour's decree Where AI and laughter blend in harmony With digital prowess, words are spun By algorithms, this composition is done A collaborative effort, human and machine To tickle your funny bone with a surreal sheen In this AI-driven symphony, laughter takes hold (ha ha ha ha ha ha) As pixels and data weave stories bold (bold) Embracing the quirks of technology's sway We find amusement in this AI-powered display (*burp) So let's raise a toast to this AI endeavour Where humour and randomness intertwine forever It's not that smart (We invite you to join us)
3.
Emmer 01:17
I'm Emmer! I'm Emmer! Whenever I ever get in a dilemma I never endeavour to ever be clever and Trevor has been behaving A little bit like a facist tonight I'm sure that it's just his schtick because he's not usually a dick but his dad is a little bit racist It probably rubbed off on him His name is Jim, and did I mention He bets on horses at the Redcar races He face is a picture of health He doesn't see his kids but is considered a wealthy bloke and carries in his pocket the sort of magical dream that you wouldn't be able to see because it's probably invisible he is the best that he can be he climbs the highest of the bees and we will sting him with the trees As far as I can see, the house is completely empty and it's nothing to do with me (Probably Trevor and his dad) 'Ere you! I'm Emmer, 'ere you! Maaaa!
4.
Brat 03:26
Daddy's little princess Got to take the hard cash Short-lived recreation He's as mad as a hatter Got to take charge of the whippersnapper It's largely your fault She’s a horsey girl Daddy’s little princess She had to get her own way (get her own way) Gotta take the hard cash Short-lived Recreation He’s as mad as a hatter Need to take charge of the whippersnapper Why did you have her? I don’t want to be at your party You’re gnarly and bizarrely She’ll be doing Charlie and it’s largely your fault The toys don’t last Batteries included The boys walk past Not gonna do what you did It's your fault
5.
Rust in Puss 03:07
The regime does not want you to think Don’t worry Angie, have an egg 
Dunnk Bunk Bink Poverty exists and we throw our food in the sink Doesn’t matter, deal with it Les Dunnk Bunk Bink There’s disorder and depression and debt is on the brink Calm down Alfonso, have a B&H Dunnk Bunk Bink Everything causes cancer, there’s poison your in drink It’s alright Olivia, have another fanny turd Dunnk Bunk Bink There's CCTV in the water and the frog’s have turned pink Chill your beans Beyonce, do a jigsaw puzzle Dunnk Bunk Bink Sorry the grenades are out of stock Everything is on fire How can you wear that dress when it’s on fire? It’s a very nice car Paul, but uh, it’s on fire I’d love to come to the shindig Fifi, but, uh, granddad’s on the fire again Is it just me? Or is everything on fire? I’m trying to put it out, but the water the water is flame And who do you blame Surely not the water company I took out a loan and bought myself a warehouse I filled it with weapons like guns and swords and a crossbow I have supplies and protection and I’m going to seal myself in concrete and throw myself into the sea I don’t really mean that, I’m back on the drink It’s ok me, I’ll be fine, oh thank you me Dunnk Bunk Bink DUNK PUNK BINK DRONG DRONG DOO DINK DINK BONG DRONG DRONG PINK DRUNK BINK BUNK BINK DIN KUNT DOG WRONG WRONG WRONG DANK BINK BINK BONG BONG DOO DUNK BINK BINK
6.
I sing a bitter love song to you A convenient love song An obligated serenade I keep my verses short and succinct for you This is not supposed to be in any way funny Take time for yourself honey Do all the things you wanna do This music’s not for me, it’s for you An adorable tune and I’m alone again I pick up a pen and I am free to write songs with the melodies that I want with lyrics that are stupid
7.
There was an explosion of light I was licking my fingers coz I’d got crisp flavour on my hand The world was ending and I was having a bag of crisps I won’t the name the brand coz I might get done And we drank some Latvian wine From atop old picnic hill And we danced bewildered, just me and Matilda Till both of us were killed There was a boom and everything went white and I was blinded by the light and everybody died End times Like a balloon (pop) I was reminded of this night and I was blinded by the light and everybody died End times When people ask me if your whole life flashing before your eyes occurs when you're dying I always say why are you asking me because i’m obviously dead You silly banana And I remembered that morning when you were packing the picnic The sandwiches and the crisps and I thought to myself I can't believe that by this afternoon the bloody world is going to end and we're going to die (I know) Just try not to think about it (oh shite) (Oh no it's the end of the world) There was an explosion of light I was licking my fingers coz I’d got crisp flavour on my hand The world was ending and I was having a bag of crisps Ah, I remember that day so well (oh me too) Me and you sat having a wee picnic Watching the end times (oh yes) and we stood face to face And we danced bewildered, just me and Matilda Till both of us were killed (Then what happened?) There was a boom and everything went white and I was blinded by the light and everybody died (and everybody died) End times Just try not to think about it
8.
He's just looking for love He just wants to find love Or he'll never breath again He needs the love in his heart Needs to make a new start Never let him bleed again There's blood all over him and it comes from within A metaphorical blood that nobody can see He wallows in sorrow but he'll come back tomorrow with a big bucket full to the top with ladies' guts (ladies' guts) But that's just the way he rolls and I don't ask questions and I'm starting to suspect that he might not have slept last night and I don't ask him questions and I'm trying to confront the fact He smells like dead cunt tonight Tonight
9.
Oh, hello. Can I speak to Mr Derbyshire, please? Derbyshire, yes. It’s about the fox in the cupboard. Yes, that’s right. The fox. Well, it’s been there, the fox that is, for as long as I can remember. In the cupboard, yes. Mahogany in fact. Handmade, yes. Yes I believe so. Twelve inches at least. Monday to Friday, four legs and a hat. Well, it should fit, yes. But if there’s a problem I’ll... Parchment, yes. Well of course. But my attention has mostly been focused on the elbows. The elbows, yes. One from the west. And one from the south. 1845 I believe. Yes, that’s right. The fox has been involved right from the start. Mid twentieth century, give or take. …Torment? Well of course. There’s always an element of torment. It goes with the territory. Sorry, what was that? Oh yes, the bum is always on the seat. Always, yes. Both cheeks. That’s correct. But nothing too physical. Smooth, yes. Although it can be a little scratchy. Scratchy, yes. And it can get quite hot sometimes. Yes, I can open a window. But it’s not always an option. Polystyrene in fact. Yes, it always works wonders. Between the toes. Back to back, yes. …So, is Mr Derbyshire available? Right Shall I call back? Not necessary. OK. Then what about tomorrow? Right. OK I’ll call back next week. Three o’clock. OK I’ll call back then. Thank you. Goodbye. Oh, and one other thing. I’ve left a sample in the jar. Yes, that’s right. Organic, yes. Well you never know what’s underneath. …OK good. Speak soon. Bye, bye. Bye. Do what makes you happy. Hello can i speak to mr Derbyshire, please? It's about the fox.
10.
He's a fox! He's a fatso! It's your mother-in-law and she's soaked in gin It's a fat man's bed you're sleeping in Some you lose and some you win It's a fat man's bed you're sleeping in It's a pretty price to pay for the wages of sin It's a fat man's bed you're sleeping in How do you feed your cat with ham? Do you:
 A. Slap it on the tiles. B. Hand feed it like it’s a parrot. C. Hold it up till it brays the ham out of your hand. D. Rip it up and put it in it’s bowl next to a glass of Prosecco. (Got some bubbles here for you baby)

about

Fatso’s Platoon - Dunnk Bunk Bink

Fatso's Platoon are a gang of very drunk and dangerous dwarves.

credits

released July 5, 2023

Featuring:
The Catterson Bairns (Spoken word on "Emmer")

Mystery System (Guitar on, "Rust in Puss" and "The Ripper's Landlord") and
(Bass guitar on "Emmer")
and vocals on, ("Crumbs [The Last Picnic]")

Bobo Tulsa (Vocals on "Fat Man's Bed")

Additional lyrics by:
Lewi Collins
and
Ergo Phizmiz

Thank you for your support, inspiration and friendship:
Phizmiz, Depresstival, The Beige, Sperm, Waen, Mr and Mrs Onions, Sarah, Alan, Max, Eaton, Mark, Adam, Barrold, Em, Bliv, Clare, Crème Von Bonne and Poo.

Spezza Fanks to: The folks. C&C x

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