1. |
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He’s wearing God’s hat upon his bean
It’s quite possibly the most preposterous thing that I have ever seen
And I once saw a guy squash his own shite
Right
into the face of a Goth that we met down the pub that one Saturday night
And they line the streets, red white and blue sheep
with a gold state coach procession
and a god-given regal regression
And it fills me with wonder
a superior plunder
An inherited status will never await us
because we are underneath these-
Cousin-fucking, funny-looking
Aristocratic, problematic
Sausage-fingered, never hindered
Ribbon-cutting pompous tutting
bloated, pointless, futile, fruitless
Marching, saluting, jewellery looters
flag-bangers, cucumber sangers
We sing their anthem as they hang us
Worshiping
The masses cling
onto this thing
You’re not my king
The people cling
onto this thing
Worshiping
The king of everything and
Nothing is gonna bring me down
I’ve got my coronation plate and my bunting as well
We’re going to have a party and we’re feeling prestigious
We’re swearing an oath to our king, an allegiance
I swear that I will pay true allegiance to Your Majesty
and to your heirs and successors according to law.
So help me God.
I’ve got a a plate with your face on
To commemorate your coronation
(I've got a plate)
I’ve got a hamper full of sandwiches, a big case of beer
we’re all dressed up like arseholes, nearly everyone is here
There’s a spread on in the garden and it’s cloudy as fuck
and we’re swearing an allegiance, swearing an allegiance to our king
Oh Charlie, I love you
You rule me
You rule me Charlie boy
You are my king (ugh)
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2. |
Smashing Plates
03:26
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In a realm crafted by AI, so bright (like a light)
These lyrics emerge, a whimsical flight (like a bird, flap flap flap flap flap flap)
An artificial creation, with humour's decree
Where AI and laughter blend in harmony
With digital prowess, words are spun
By algorithms, this composition is done
A collaborative effort, human and machine
To tickle your funny bone with a surreal sheen
In this AI-driven symphony, laughter takes hold (ha ha ha ha ha ha)
As pixels and data weave stories
bold (bold)
Embracing the quirks of technology's sway
We find amusement in this AI-powered display (*burp)
So let's raise a toast to this AI endeavour
Where humour and randomness intertwine forever
It's not that smart
(We invite you to join us)
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3. |
Emmer
01:17
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I'm Emmer! I'm Emmer!
Whenever I ever get in a dilemma
I never endeavour to ever be clever
and Trevor has been behaving
A little bit like a facist tonight
I'm sure that it's just his schtick
because he's not usually a dick
but his dad is a little bit racist
It probably rubbed off on him
His name is Jim, and did I mention
He bets on horses at the Redcar races
He face is a picture of health
He doesn't see his kids
but is considered a wealthy bloke
and carries in his pocket
the sort of magical dream
that you wouldn't be able to see
because it's probably invisible
he is the best that he can be
he climbs the highest of the bees
and we will sting him with the trees
As far as I can see, the house is completely empty
and it's nothing to do with me
(Probably Trevor and his dad)
'Ere you!
I'm Emmer, 'ere you!
Maaaa!
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4. |
Brat
03:26
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Daddy's little princess
Got to take the hard cash
Short-lived recreation
He's as mad as a hatter
Got to take charge of the whippersnapper
It's largely your fault
She’s a horsey girl
Daddy’s little princess
She had to get her own way (get her own way)
Gotta take the hard cash
Short-lived Recreation
He’s as mad as a hatter
Need to take charge of the whippersnapper
Why did you have her?
I don’t want to be at your party
You’re gnarly
and bizarrely
She’ll be doing Charlie
and it’s largely your fault
The toys don’t last
Batteries included
The boys walk past
Not gonna do what you did
It's your fault
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5. |
Rust in Puss
03:07
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The regime does not want you to think
Don’t worry Angie, have an egg
Dunnk Bunk Bink
Poverty exists and we throw our food in the sink
Doesn’t matter, deal with it Les
Dunnk Bunk Bink
There’s disorder and depression and debt is on the brink
Calm down Alfonso, have a B&H
Dunnk Bunk Bink
Everything causes cancer, there’s poison your in drink
It’s alright Olivia, have another fanny turd
Dunnk Bunk Bink
There's CCTV in the water and the frog’s have turned pink
Chill your beans Beyonce, do a jigsaw puzzle
Dunnk Bunk Bink
Sorry the grenades are out of stock
Everything is on fire
How can you wear that dress when it’s on fire?
It’s a very nice car Paul, but uh, it’s on fire
I’d love to come to the shindig Fifi, but, uh, granddad’s on the fire again
Is it just me? Or is everything on fire?
I’m trying to put it out, but the water
the water is flame
And who do you blame
Surely not the water company
I took out a loan and bought myself a warehouse
I filled it with weapons like guns and swords and a crossbow
I have supplies and protection and I’m going to seal myself in concrete
and throw myself into the sea
I don’t really mean that, I’m back on the drink
It’s ok me, I’ll be fine, oh thank you me
Dunnk Bunk Bink
DUNK PUNK BINK
DRONG DRONG DOO
DINK DINK BONG
DRONG DRONG PINK
DRUNK BINK BUNK BINK
DIN KUNT DOG
WRONG WRONG WRONG
DANK BINK BINK
BONG BONG DOO DUNK
BINK BINK
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6. |
Stupid Love Song
01:49
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I sing a bitter love song to you
A convenient love song
An obligated serenade
I keep my verses short
and succinct
for you
This is not supposed to be
in any way funny
Take time for yourself honey
Do all the things you wanna do
This music’s not for me, it’s for you
An adorable tune
and I’m alone again
I pick up a pen
and I am free to write songs
with the melodies that I want
with lyrics that are stupid
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7. |
Crumbs (The Last Picnic)
03:28
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There was an explosion of light
I was licking my fingers
coz I’d got crisp flavour on my hand
The world was ending
and I was having a bag of crisps
I won’t the name the brand coz I might get done
And we drank some Latvian wine
From atop old picnic hill
And we danced bewildered, just me and Matilda
Till both of us were killed
There was a boom
and everything went white
and I was blinded by the light
and everybody died
End times
Like a balloon (pop)
I was reminded of this night
and I was blinded by the light
and everybody died
End times
When people ask me if your whole life flashing before your eyes
occurs when you're dying
I always say why are you asking me
because i’m obviously dead
You silly banana
And I remembered that morning when you were packing the picnic
The sandwiches and the crisps
and I thought to myself
I can't believe that by this afternoon
the bloody world is going to end
and we're going to die
(I know)
Just try not to think about it
(oh shite)
(Oh no it's the end of the world)
There was an explosion of light
I was licking my fingers
coz I’d got crisp flavour on my hand
The world was ending
and I was having a bag of crisps
Ah, I remember that day so well (oh me too)
Me and you sat having a wee picnic
Watching the end times (oh yes)
and we stood face to face
And we danced bewildered, just me and Matilda
Till both of us were killed
(Then what happened?)
There was a boom
and everything went white
and I was blinded by the light
and everybody died (and everybody died)
End times
Just try not to think about it
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8. |
The Ripper's Landlord
02:01
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He's just looking for love
He just wants to find love
Or he'll never breath again
He needs the love in his heart
Needs to make a new start
Never let him bleed again
There's blood all over him and it comes from within
A metaphorical blood that nobody can see
He wallows in sorrow
but he'll come back tomorrow
with a big bucket full to the top with ladies' guts (ladies' guts)
But that's just the way he rolls
and I don't ask questions
and I'm starting to suspect that he might not have slept last night
and I don't ask him questions
and I'm trying to confront the fact
He smells like dead cunt tonight
Tonight
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9. |
Do What Makes You Happy
02:52
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Oh, hello. Can I speak to Mr Derbyshire, please? Derbyshire, yes. It’s about the fox in the cupboard. Yes, that’s right. The fox. Well, it’s been there, the fox that is, for as long as I can remember. In the cupboard, yes. Mahogany in fact. Handmade, yes. Yes I believe so. Twelve inches at least. Monday to Friday, four legs and a hat. Well, it should fit, yes. But if there’s a problem I’ll... Parchment, yes. Well of course. But my attention has mostly been focused on the elbows. The elbows, yes. One from the west. And one from the south. 1845 I believe. Yes, that’s right. The fox has been involved right from the start. Mid twentieth century, give or take. …Torment? Well of course. There’s always an element of torment. It goes with the territory. Sorry, what was that? Oh yes, the bum is always on the seat. Always, yes. Both cheeks. That’s correct. But nothing too physical. Smooth, yes. Although it can be a little scratchy. Scratchy, yes. And it can get quite hot sometimes. Yes, I can open a window. But it’s not always an option. Polystyrene in fact. Yes, it always works wonders. Between the toes. Back to back, yes. …So, is Mr Derbyshire available? Right Shall I call back? Not necessary. OK. Then what about tomorrow? Right. OK I’ll call back next week. Three o’clock. OK I’ll call back then. Thank you. Goodbye. Oh, and one other thing. I’ve left a sample in the jar. Yes, that’s right. Organic, yes. Well you never know what’s underneath. …OK good. Speak soon. Bye, bye. Bye.
Do what makes you happy.
Hello can i speak to mr Derbyshire, please? It's about the fox.
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10. |
Fat Man's Bed
01:56
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He's a fox!
He's a fatso!
It's your mother-in-law and she's soaked in gin
It's a fat man's bed you're sleeping in
Some you lose and some you win
It's a fat man's bed you're sleeping in
It's a pretty price to pay for the wages of sin
It's a fat man's bed you're sleeping in
How do you feed your cat with ham?
Do you:
A. Slap it on the tiles.
B. Hand feed it like it’s a parrot.
C. Hold it up till it brays the ham out of your hand.
D. Rip it up and put it in it’s bowl next to a glass of Prosecco.
(Got some bubbles here for you baby)
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